Spending the long weekend is such a stir around for me, creating a heap of excitement in me before it even commenced. I am simply looking forward to that extended bedtime hours, ready made breakfasts, more television channels to choose from and all time favorite Mom’s cooking that I have missed like forever in three months since I came back in the metro to get on with my career and fend for myself again. Hehe!
My desire to wander and just get my feet on the ground at home is intense during the week that I decided to really ride that bus southbound. All up in my head is to be away and forget the hustle-bustle of urban life. Being grounded and as I have posted it, a change of scenery boosts a new perspective, eases the mind, releases negative energy and reenergizes oneself, is my ultimate goal. The feeling of anxiety has already built along the seams, it might be of the pressure at work or the continuous struggle to disalign my thinking that this job I have accepted is different from what I do not like to endure, a call center set-up, but it is starting to sink into me that it really is not different from what I thought it would be, I need to make that decision to either let the days pass with me sucking it all up just to finish the contract or make that dire move to put an end to my misery, which I already did. To be fair the atmosphere when I step in is all fun and easy, that is why I am able to scratch a pool of words off my grey area to express how I have felt and be myself around these new found buddies, some are like you have known forever and some are just that all smiles, you know, mere acquaintances.
Part of this writing, I may consider a sequel to this entry because after all it is positive and sparkling to me having a job in a span of few weeks. Though gaining friendship is ecstatic and languidly enjoying everyday of experience with this new job because the interaction with my colleagues is not condense to only during break times or lunch but throughout the training until to the roll out of tasks up until after work fun.
My desire to get on that bus is not just to go home but to breathe about that dire move to shift my career, momentarily at that is my comfort and I believe everything will fall into place hopefully.
Vulnerably, I miss to see the greenery, the vast open lands and the blue sky unobstructively. At heart, the introvert hometown boy just want to lay around and take it easy. The travel south is eight hours long but it took me like ten due to road reblockings along Quezon province all the way to some parts of CamSur before reaching my hometown. Before I even endure that, leaving the metro is a challenge, like Friday night fright of heavy traffic, honks and blinking lights surrounds my taxi cab going to that bus terminal.
I am suppose to travel with my cousin Audie but she did not make it on time, traffic crunch put her to a Friday night standstill. She is texting she wanted to cry and rather console her to take the early bus ride the following morning. Getting out of the city is something to endure, while the bus moves merging into the main highway traffic, looking at the high rise structures, people waiting at bus stops, convenient stores and malls all lit up the city, showing the grandness of urbanity. Feeling every light as it strikes my face, I am good to go to wander into oblivion for four days of peace and only the scent of grass filled with morning dew.
It has been raining consecutively in the metro and my apartment was drenched in moisture. I long to see that sun streaked window and the blow of humid breeze across my face. That is what I am also running after at my hometown. To breathe the freshness of air and hear the chirping of swallows jumping from our neighbor’s palm trees and Chinese bamboos. Few minutes before to my drop off point, same scenery unfolds as well as same feeling of slack and melancholy seeps in me.
That sunny bright morning I arrive home is nothing grand, only my brother Ralph is at home while listening to a rock music. Ah I am home! I put down my backpack, undo my shoes and barefoot, I take a look around the house. Ah comfort zone. Away from structures just that an unobstucted view and sunlight streaks peeking at the windows, illuminating the pink hues of Mom’s curtain.
I am renewed again. I feel I am but not completely. I want to clear my head even for few days and ground myself with my family’s nest and embrace.
Throughout my stay at home reflects multiple habits of me while on day offs or holidays, not thinking of emails and calls from clients and colleagues. I am laying bare at the sofa, relishing the ambience of knowing they are just there, my family, of course, and I am going to take a nap freely after lunch.
I really do not know what this feeling of mine lately, that feeling of indecisiveness, that urge to go somewhere I do not particularly know and the desire to ground myself at home. The security and peacefulness it brings shakes me off my urban insanity and boosts me to keep going with what my mind and heart desires. I continue to pray for wisdom, enlightenment and guidance to overcome this gap of uncertainties and endure that pursuit to a purposeful life.
Before I bore myself to all this winding words, my hometown is lurking in darkness. The electric cooperative managing the supply is suffering from a busted transfomer so a routinary twelve hour at the most blackout encloses the warm homes and builds incendiary among the affected consumers. The least entertainment is to make experimental light graffiti by my youngest brother, Emil using our digital cameras while passing the nightly hour of heat, boredom and sweat. Enjoying times like these because of the exchanges of stories, opinions and interests fill our home between us, my mother and my siblings like a Facebook newsfeed therefore compacting and synching our familial bonds.
Swaying away from my serious notes, I spend two nights playing with these lights together with my brothers amidst the blackout dilemma.
I am so thrilled to test my digital camera with the moving lights from the vehicles passing the highway infront of our house. The straight lights cast like frozen beams shining or floating in the middle of the road. Awesome!