you could write it in a letter

Hi Pa,

I know I just have to write this letter for you. Thought you might have a different world now that is lacking or so backwards that internet may not have yet reached you. I am laughing in my mind with my last statement. You know?

My intention of having to compose this really is to walk ahead because I am walking ahead without you in my life neither consider what might you could have helped nor supported me in anything at present. There is no way now I can think of you being in the picture. I am actually really okay with it without you. Let me say that again, we are actually okay without you. You know? I am saying that I can.

How are you? It is such a bull crap to begin with. It seems not apt for you anymore. I really do not want to be so melodramatic of this because I am holding on to what I have already told you a couple of years back since that hospital thing of yours and I will stand on my word still, right now! You are so out of the picture, sir!

Forgiven, not forgotten. What might have been a chance for you was a mess. You blew it off completely. So let me be clear, I have forgiven you, so much so that I can go on with my walk ahead. You know? Excess baggage needs to be thrown out. Seems my tone is obvious, right? Not forgotten, well, that would be like giving you a decent funeral. It would be nice, you think? It’s going to be fine if none would interfere but if they insist, I’ll welcome it. Expect none of us there then. Funny thing, I am thinking of having said goodbye to you already like everyday. I just hope telekinesis would bring it to you. See I have the heart. Do you?

Don’t overthink. I know you’re going to be okay, elsewhere.

Keep it cool. That is how I cope. Overthinking, I swear would be a culprit of progression. Rebuking what I said to you is not with this keeping cool thing. It was already said and done. I am walking ahead with that and I will hold on to it just to keep me stronger.

Thanks. I am grateful for you being one of the causes why am I stirring an effect to this world. 

You know what? I cannot help to look back. I am somewhat sentimental and sensitive if you knew that. I am thinking that you haven’t really thought about your family life, have you? Especially, us, your sons, with the nature of your work then, your absence now makes sense, intentional or unintentional, it justifies everything about you of not having to see us have a good life and be a success on our own.

Guilt. Pray that it eats you alive and feeds your understanding of how the choices you made turned. Don’t overthink. Your conscience will tire and age you easily. Be sure you have one, okay?

Envy. It might have eaten you up I think. I could only say so much now. I am cool. I cope up.

Natural Son

P.S. Nostalgia. I really don’t know you as a dad dad person, and I was saddened by that idea. I don’t have any memories to cling on more like a son and dad bonding. You were a disciplinarian, given an all boy stable you’ve got. That’s all there is to say. Maybe that’s why I am a behave man. I got it from you.

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