I Can’t Remember What I Did Last Christmas

There’s something about Christmas that excites me; one, being with family and two, the food. Last Christmas I am not that sure about feeling that excitement. At this point I am really so bum on thinking back what just happened with me on that day, not that I can’t remember because I was drunk or have fallen asleep but it just didn’t sink in me.

I have to admit this to myself how time flies so fast and it makes sense those thoughts I read saying that you need to seize the moment, live the moment and simply soak in it. Well, I’ve done soaking pretty well with my travels and seeing different places so far but I was really entangled with so much busy-ness I can’t imagine. What did I really do last Christmas? I was even wide awake on its eve, obviously my family doesn’t have that holiday tradition like the Midnight Dinner right after hearing the Christmas Mass. I’ve done it before with the company of my friends and crashed on one of  my friends family dinner.

A week before Christmas, there are Dawn Masses observed for 9 days and it was a yearly tradition that if one completes it, he’ll be granted of his wish or whatever his heart desires. The masses start on the 16th until the 24th at 4am in the morning daily. Oh this year I didn’t forget about it and didn’t attend any mass on any of those days either. Unintentionally I really don’t know. I wasn’t that compelled to attend and I was settled on my bed sleeping soundly on those times of day.That’s what I remembered so far.

One more I remembered the countdown on the News with only 4 days to go before Christmas and after that I disconnected with the TV news watching and watched more of NGC and Star Movies features.

I am crazy. So crazy not to really remember what I did last Christmas when everybody else awaits for it and tags it as one of their unforgettable Christmases of their lives in contrast with my temporary insanity and amnesia on not remembering it. Odd for me. Honestly, I remember what I did last Christmas. Let’s just put it that I’ve just let it pass and never got to see myself in it, soaking, enjoying. The feeling that I’ve felt was being secured and sheltered. I don’t know how to expound on it but that midnight squabble of people walking home after the Midnight Mass, I know because I can hear them outside with their feet stomping and their voices shriek and loud as they pass our gate. I heard them but I was so settled on our comfy couch, just laying never bothered to peek outside.

I looked up at the wall clock hanged cold and creepy ticktock sound coming from it signaled me that it is Christmas indeed. No fancy dinner. Mom was asleep. My two younger brothers wide awake and will be going out to meet their friends. I’m settled still on the couch watching TV. I stood up and sat in front of our desktop and checked my Facebook. While scrolling on my news feed, I sensed that it took time loading some of the pictures, obviously there is a slow internet connection. I don’t intend to open my Facebook at that time. I opened it because I got a text from my elder brother N that he will try to video call us to greet us a Merry Christmas and because of the obvious slow internet connection both on our sides he decided to call it a night. He’ll just push the call later on. We exchange few chats and I slept at 2am, Christmas Day. No fancy dinner. No family photo. No dishes to wash.

Seriously, I did remember a bit of what I did last Christmas as what I have mentioned above. Maybe I could tweak the title to “I Can’t Remember What I Felt Last Christmas”. I have nothing against with it that we didn’t share midnight dinner even though our fridge was full of food and sweets. I have nothing against with Mom sleeping to welcome Christmas maybe in dreamland she was jumping for joy. I don’t yearn for exchanging gifts because we don’t have any wrapped gifts under our huge Christmas tree. Bottom line, it was a so-so Christmas for me. I’m just glad I don’t have any dishes to wash.

I didn’t feel lonely. I was bored, just looking for that festive mood and we’re not just that. Our family is so used to celebrating with others not by ourselves. I appreciate that it would be intimate and pure familial bonding but aging puts aside those merriment until the morning. Mom falls asleep fast these days.

That’s where we enjoy a Christmas breakfast. Carb and sugar rich food flanked our dining. Reminiscing moments and recalling of gifts received when we were young fuel our conversation. Actually I’ve learned to treat as gifts those things and money I have received and asked from my mother and elder brother so I just can’t ask for more gifts when holidays come. I’m still working through on how I can repay them for such unconditional gesture.

Clockwise: Tiramisu, tiramisu again, penne arrabiatta, sauteed beef with broccoli, pasta salad

Clockwise: Tiramisu, tiramisu again, penne arrabiatta, sauteed beef with broccoli, pasta salad

Allow me to remember that I made quite a delectable Christmas menu for us, it just didn’t happen that supposed Midnight dinner and was spared from unflattering food porn shots. My heart’s content still with what my mum and brothers has to say with these food. It was yum and we shared it on a Christmas breakfast dine.

I can’t remember what I did last Christmas because I’ve felt it all along. We’ve celebrated as family Christmas on an everyday delight. No fancy dinner, only simple ones everyday. No family photo, only memories to etched on our minds, hearts and soul but I still want to have many photos of us be taken anytime.

No dishes to wash, my brother takes care of it.



  1. Thank you for your thoughtful words. If you happen to read this post of me, you’re never really far in trying to read more posts of me talking about seizing moments, living the moments and just simply soaking in it. It feels humbling that what I’ve written has come across with you.

    To more moments to seize, live and soak,


  2. “…time flies so fast and it makes sense those thoughts I read saying that you need to seize the moment, live the moment and simply soak in it.”

    So very true! Nicely written.

    Liked by 1 person

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