Looking back on the year that was, 2013, I have had a lot of rolling up and down the hill. To put it I have made quite a few runs from the starting line and until now I haven’t reached its finish. Inasmuch, I’ve talked about me being a bum and never really knowing what, where, when and how I am going to clearly line up the things of my life. I feel so guilty now. I accept the fact that I am financially dependent on my mum and my elder brother. There’s no question on that because they are my family, they will always be the one to carry me through but not all the time. I know that.
I don’t know what has gotten to me that I felt lost and spiral down on moving forward. I sulked, for quite sometime.
I psyched myself that maybe I was being too hard on me or I was just insanely thinking of feeling pressured of people who truly cares for me, seeing the person they expect me to be. I didn’t heed what they say. I shut my brain, I lied about my emotions and I settled to just bobbing around. Didn’t bother to make something for myself rather I set aside on chasing my dreams and abused their support.
Until now it haunts me. I am unfair, self-centered. I realized that the luxury I am continuing to enjoy was definitely a hard day’s work. I earn nothing, sedentary life excuses myself from all the sacrifices, stress and hard work they endure.
The last quarter of 2013 I realized I’ve built a wall of myself, it was cemented with insensitivity and selfish self. But its foundation is still the old self that dreams big and wanting to see the world. I can’t exactly remember what triggered me to start pounding on that wall until it crashes to the ground and a new me will
Beginning. I am loving this word. I’ve talked through some of the things I want to do with the people I dearly care about and trying to listen to them. It wasn’t a surprise for me at all that still they are there waiting for me, praying for me that I’ll push again. Encouraging me to the point that making good, oh the best out of me, will be the only thing that will make me through out of this mush pit I created.
I want to restart. I want to rebuild myself and become stronger. With that, I left my apartment. I want to start on a clean slate, away from that asylum I made out of my own indecision.
This is my beginning. To see myself strongly endure the ascent of that traverse and reach that summit. My feet are made for walking definitely and I’ve already summit-ted this mountain, Mt. Batulao last March 2013.
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Part of this beginning of my new self, I would like to take this chance to say thanks and show my appreciation to my readers, likers and 92 followers and more to come. This post is in honor of you all. Keeping this blog grounded me to rethink of what really I am passionate about and what makes me confident and happy. I’ve read and liked a lot of posts that struck me, inspired me and I’ve quoted my favorites and posted it on my Facebook account. (Don’t worry, I credit you guys. I’ll write a post collating all of it. Stay close.)
Again, Thank you! To beginnings.