I started writing this as the sun rises. I heard from my little bro that this 22nd’s going to be the shortest day for us here in PH. Daylight is short. Long is the night then. Well I can get to bed early and read through Kerouac’s but I doubt if I can.
This I am thankful to have woken up and get the first light of another day on my skin and just be alive. Breathing. I will pray again to keep me breathing as the day passes and that I wake up everyday. Repeat.
Breathing and living in the company of my mother and my brothers is more than enough to remind me that life is vast and can be a vacuum. Having a family, a loving and supportive family is reassuring. When you are flooded with the world’s batshit it is them that you retreat and run to. Their company fills you with sense of belonging when you don’t want to care about any else in your way. I am blessed to have Mama. I am blessed to have my brothers. We have endured times we would never expect we could but we did. The strength of our love for each other stretches for miles. We have our own ways of letting each other know of that warm feeling.
I am just happy to know too that we as brothers are dreaming together. Sharing visions of what and where might future holds on us still we all stay together even distance may come between and when home is not physical but in our hearts. I say this because we will have our own lives and may want to try the world and our home will be different in the most sense.
Sure is Mama will forever be our home. I thank God for gifting her life and more of it. Her life as a retiree seem pleasant and she is quite enjoying it. She’s just restless around the house. A life different when she was still working as a teacher thus staying longer at home is something she needs to grow into. I think she’s quietly having at war with for some time. I also feel that patience and continuous respect must be accorded to her on this phase.
A never-ending chat has become this worm that keeps inching into every corner of my internet life. Yes, there is now that internet life for me. A life though that is not totally on-the-wire dependent. That I am thankful for the internet. My best-friend C and I could sometimes spend most of our internet time having conversations over sort of messengers of just about anything. The life of internet has grown in us positively especially with blogging—read: thank you my readers and followers—and so too with the rest of our mutual dear friends.
I also like spending time with my friends in a real coffee shop or pub. It is rather a trend now between us. Of meeting over coffee. Of course those constant thoughtful conversations thrown at each other are present while letting the hours pass, forgetting some stress and just having moments of fun of togetherness.
The gift of friendship in us is riveting. I will be forever grateful for having to find them, my dear friends that I continue to spend time with and show love in ways I can. Distance, work may have come between us and most of them started building their own families but still there is that communication sticking us, bridging us of each others’ lives and the going ons. We’ve also become to-go company of each others be it unexpected or planned. Potluck dinner has also been our thing when a week of holiday off comes. Dividing our time in-between our own families just to make it happen.
It is so great having them as my dear friends.
With me praying in gratitude for having a family and few dear friends that steadies me, on the other side of the road I am lacking a career. This is on me and the decisions I make. I am at war with myself on these. Trying is a big word for me. I can’t accept to myself that I’ve really tried. I admit to not really putting myself out there. My lame excuses doesn’t count for an excuse. A grown man who I am should not be under anyone’s support but only on my own blood and sweat. Honestly, I am lucky to have this family and I can’t thank them enough for just being there.
I am thankful for this life. That’s all. I will find my own way to give back to them for the unconditional love they’ve showered me all this time while I am wallowing in my screwed up bubble.
I am pulling my curtains down now for this year. Thank you very much.