LAST DECEMBER MY BEST FRIEND C brought up the idea of me turning 30 this year. It was a milestone she pointed and that I should post or like do something about it. “I am kind of thinking something about it really, maybe we can do it like a challenge post for the both of us.” I retort.
Milestone. I am not really having a grasp of what this means for me. The feeling of turning thirty and it is a milestone doesn’t sound so in the zone right now. My heart is warm and happy that I have just reached this age knowing that I have myself that keeps doing me and of course my family and few dear friends that love me just the same. Yes, I am feeling their love this year. Keeping this feeling of being loved is like rehydrating myself while on a course of a long marathon. I’ve never done a marathon really. Simply put it like quenching a thirst on a hot day. That’s all that I have and I am contented with how these relationships forge my life.
I thought of making a countdown of at least seven days before January 9. There’s nothing really of a plan on celebrating my birthday that day. What I have in mind was to get up early and welcome the day. See what it’ll feel like. I sound ridiculous now.
And so I started my countdown then. Nothing special. My wanting to wake up early on those seven days was my only goal and I did it. It was really somewhat meaningful to me in most sense of embracing life on the first light of day. Just owning that moment of gratitude for having woken up to enjoy another day and so on.
Three years before my thirtieth I was having my own life at my own pace. I wasn’t bringing much my game really. Hermetic. Deciding to go home and languidly waiting for those calls from the job applications. The situation here I can describe was like the erratic green line in the monitor of a patient’s heartbeat. The peaks and the lows. Looking almost my life is on the wire, washed and stuck.
Immature. Batshit. I may have to do some growing up here and much has been written by me on this blog about positivity, changing for the better and keep doing me to get where I want to. I am still on the belief that we are all waiting for that something and hopes that it comes sooner. So the earlier I get on the road, the better I can cover more of my waiting time and then it will be worthy. The idea of my stuck up-ness isn’t lost on me. I know there are others on crossroads. I just really need to make the move and this is on me.
A day before my birthday, I woke up at 530 am. Together with my reliable younger brother we decided the night before that we’ll just take long walks around the school’s oval and maybe up to our uncle’s house again. So we head down the road. The air was cool as ever. Hues of white and yellow slowly brightened the blue sky signalling the rise of the majestic sun. I am beginning to like this time of day. My digital camera is with me. I was so inspired to take some photos that day. The thought of taking that long walk again, I could use few minutes of stops to photograph parts of my hometown, Baao.
While feeling in my countdown I thought of going to the beach. Mine and my dear friends go-to beach during our teens and twenties. I just want to recapture the life of it and maybe it would bring me back to memories of counting stars with some beers and cheap brandy sitting on the sand and planning ahead of our lives while waiting for the sunrise. The sea has been always coddling of me, I think. Out of all the trips that I made going at its shores wherever part of my country, its stillness and ominous presence reminds me that the world is something I need to conquer in ways I can. To simply live the life I want and be happy.
The day of my birthday, I woke up early as my promise to myself. I went to church and attended mass. My prayer was about gratitude, strength, wisdom and guidance. I also prayed for my family and friends and to other people who needs it too. As I continue to live this life I am making, I don’t have questions in my mind that I can’t go on. I have this in me of looking almost as if I live my life as it is. That is why I will and if I can offer more whatever time, effort and company to these people who ask me, I do. I embraced this part of myself and I am humbled by it.
I will feel the love of these people who accord me with kindness, support and unconditional love, I said to myself as I walked home from the church.
The rest of my day was boring and holed up at home together with my family. I spent a minute reading the sole birthday card I got from my best friend a.k.a. my twin sis C and with it was her gift—a crafty book about hand lettering. I began reading its content too and Instagram-ed about it after.
I cooked pesto pasta in the morning. My mother and brothers enjoyed it for breakfast. There was some more left in my mother’s red Dutch oven and I served myself half a plate of it few hours before dinner time. Later in the afternoon, my younger brother S baked a carrot cake in favor of my mother’s request so I dug in on it too. But to my surprise, I do have a birthday cake waiting for me that night. (I will write another post of it.) It was personally delivered by my dearest friend B. She obliged me to open it immediately and see who is it from. Yes, I was blown by their gesture. Together with her, C and E and their families they all got me a cake. It was my time again to having one. I can’t remember when’s the last time I had a birthday cake really and funnily enough, I found it awkward blowing some candles sparkling on top of it.
I did that obligatory photo for the sake of the rest not being around and to make sure that I have had received my birthday cake and the three red balloons. If that is a winning surprise for them to me, I call it winsome love.
To my life and to my next moves.