What Do You Want?

 

I realized that as we grow and expand our lives towards career, family and relationships sometimes over time we become restrained with how we deal with each other given the close friendship that we have. I understand too that unsolicited advise comes down the drain easily. Maybe it’s a part of us maturing and there are things that we need to do just on our own.

It is a fight we need to face with strength and confidence. I wish you luck and pray for your wins always.

— An excerpt of my unsent letter to a friend last 2013

 

I can still remember how I felt writing that letter. It was good. I was in my most sensible state. Part of that letter spoke my honest thoughts. Some parts were all about making things better. Not that it is but some more than parts of it. I wrote it to be opened on Christmas Day of that year. Same with this.

This is my unsent letter part two. But I choose not to put a banner of it. Neither publish the whole letter here. It is something I continue to reread every time I would come across it. It is inserted in my journal so the frequency of seeing it is high as I tend to skim through the pages when I feel like to.

My letter is light in tone. It is full of hope, well wishing, and love for our friendship.

It feels quite different from where we are right now. When I try to look back, everything is different. So much have changed. While change is inevitable it compromised the foundation of friendship where we stand now. Now. I can be more than sentimental about it because I just can’t help myself. We’ve threaded such a long line of friendship. The kind of friendship that you wish for a lifetime.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately of my unsettled thoughts about how this friendship stands now. It felt hollow and filled with pretense careful not to burst each of our protective bubbles. It is heavy at some points especially when you are trying to get rid of the annoyance. The tiny ticks seem to be magnified this time and that too isn’t doing any of us good.

Part of this unsettled thoughts is that the burden of response isn’t really on my shoulder. As much as I want to brush off the idea of awaiting what might be the response, it clouds my judgment to better our friendship. I wrote a lengthy letter after this unsent one. It bared everything and that one I can say was a cowardly move. I admit. But the timing isn’t favorable to have a talk.

I’m sorry. I wish I hadn’t sent it. Even trying to get it back was a worst idea.

 

So what do you really want?

 

 

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