birthday

30th St. Corner Milestone Avenue, City of Life

 

Friends are the family that we get to choose.

 

TSA quote I read from the internet. Remembering who said it is killing me as I continue to compose words that may mean something or may be meaningful enough to convey what I want to say on this special day. The kind of day that you looked forward to since making that journey of your own. It is a testament that we make our dreams and we make it happen.

I am a bit caught with a serious bug because you taught me lots of serious things too. Things that matter to how our friendship grew over time. I am proud to have been on-board with you on this. I couldn’t trade even discount the time we mutually put on ourselves to have this friendship. The genuine person that you are made it easier. True enough, real friends mirror each other.

I’ve read too somewhere that friendship changes over time. I have to agree on this point. While friendship is a relationship, it is cemented voluntarily. One decides to enter into it, one decides to get out of it. One thing I am sure of, I am not going to get out of this, our friendship. Running or walking away will not happen. Maybe just delayed replies or going offline for days in the messenger may mean getting out, a bit. Seriously, space is a luxury today. Joke.

Happy Birthday, Twin S!

I couldn’t be more grateful for this friendship. Of all the days that I spent holed up with some batshit, you are just there. Continuously giving voice. Reminding me of realities, of what is more to life. Your generosity humbles me even more, while you may contest that part of you, I just want to say: thank you, in every sense of it.

Spending time with you and your family is the day I always look forward to. Your warmth, company and love within transcends happy time and memories.

Distance may have been drawn between us in the coming years and seeing and talking to each other may or may not be limited to video calls or messenger, I wish you and Kervi well always.

 

Big love,

Twin B

 

P. S.

Please excuse my non-sense greet on that journal I gave you before you leave town. But I hope you like it too. Can you tell me what I really wrote in there? Send it on messenger if you can.

 

 

 

 

Soaring and Space Beyond Imagination

 

Every chat line that we share between the different time zones we are in, technology bridging and letting us converse in sync is reveling at some point. The distance puts off details, animations and habits out of our personal conversations. This we’ve been contending with for quite a long time now and pushing on it but it still feels different every time.

 

noyI wanted to write about you dear brother. I want to keep memories of how much you have done for our family. I want to write it here. I want to bring out words as smoothly, thoughtfully and quite sentimentally because that is. A part of me feels crap when you tell us stories of your experience there, the flip side as you put it. It is not that is annoying but it is like something you wanted to do about it and get it over with. But it is just not the case.

Every ounce of your energy you gather to pull through and work thousands of kilometers away from home on a distant land is both killing and rewarding. That’s what I want you to think always. Killing that distance grew on us but the longing for our family grew on us too. Longing in a good way that it brought us up to somewhere we can soar above and feel great to things that we value and mattered highly to us. The reward part is a bonus. I would like to think that it was, is always there because we all have that reward of family in us as brothers. Our brotherhood is our reward all along the space beyond imagination.

Happiest Birthday, Noy! My wishes of health, strength, wisdom, happiness and love embrace you always through the guidance of God. I am grateful and proud of all that you have stand up for in keeping our family especially in keeping with us, three, your brothers. To serving as our pillar together with Mama in building our dreams and letting us grow with the love of family.

All the love and thanks.

 

 

Love, Milestone

LAST DECEMBER MY BEST FRIEND C brought up the idea of me turning 30 this year. It was a milestone she pointed and that I should post or like do something about it. “I am kind of thinking something about it really, maybe we can do it like a challenge post for the both of us.” I retort.

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Milestone. I am not really having a grasp of what this means for me. The feeling of turning thirty and it is a milestone doesn’t sound so in the zone right now. My heart is warm and happy that I have just reached this age knowing that I have myself that keeps doing me and of course my family and few dear friends that love me just the same. Yes, I am feeling their love this year. Keeping this feeling of being loved is like rehydrating myself while on a course of a long marathon. I’ve never done a marathon really. Simply put it like quenching a thirst on a hot day. That’s all that I have and I am contented with how these relationships forge my life.

I thought of making a countdown of at least seven days before January 9. There’s nothing really of a plan on celebrating my birthday that day. What I have in mind was to get up early and welcome the day. See what it’ll feel like. I sound ridiculous now.

And so I started my countdown then. Nothing special. My wanting to wake up early on those seven days was my only goal and I did it. It was really somewhat meaningful to me in most sense of embracing life on the first light of day. Just owning that moment of gratitude for having woken up to enjoy another day and so on.

Three years before my thirtieth I was having my own life at my own pace. I wasn’t bringing much my game really. Hermetic. Deciding to go home and languidly waiting for those calls from the job applications. The situation here I can describe was like the erratic green line in the monitor of a patient’s heartbeat. The peaks and the lows. Looking almost my life is on the wire, washed and stuck.

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Immature. Batshit. I may have to do some growing up here and much has been written by me on this blog about positivity, changing for the better and keep doing me to get where I want to. I am still on the belief that we are all waiting for that something and hopes that it comes sooner. So the earlier I get on the road, the better I can cover more of my waiting time and then it will be worthy. The idea of my stuck up-ness isn’t lost on me. I know there are others on crossroads. I just really need to make the move and this is on me.

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A day before my birthday, I woke up at 530 am. Together with my reliable younger brother we decided the night before that we’ll just take long walks around the school’s oval and maybe up to our uncle’s house again. So we head down the road. The air was cool as ever. Hues of white and yellow slowly brightened the blue sky signalling the rise of the majestic sun. I am beginning to like this time of day. My digital camera is with me. I was so inspired to take some photos that day. The thought of taking that long walk again, I could use few minutes of stops to photograph parts of my hometown, Baao.

While feeling in my countdown I thought of going to the beach. Mine and my dear friends go-to beach during our teens and twenties. I just want to recapture the life of it and maybe it would bring me back to memories of counting stars with some beers and cheap brandy sitting on the sand and planning ahead of our lives while waiting for the sunrise. The sea has been always coddling of me, I think. Out of all the trips that I made going at its shores wherever part of my country, its stillness and ominous presence reminds me that the world is something I need to conquer in ways I can. To simply live the life I want and be happy.

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The day of my birthday, I woke up early as my promise to myself. I went to church and attended mass. My prayer was about gratitude, strength, wisdom and guidance. I also prayed for my family and friends and to other people who needs it too. As I continue to live this life I am making, I don’t have questions in my mind that I can’t go on. I have this in me of looking almost as if I live my life as it is. That is why I will and if I can offer more whatever time, effort and company to these people who ask me, I do. I embraced this part of myself and I am humbled by it.

I will feel the love of these people who accord me with kindness, support and unconditional love, I said to myself as I walked home from the church.

The rest of my day was boring and holed up at home together with my family. I spent a minute reading the sole birthday card I got from my best friend a.k.a. my twin sis C and with it was her gift—a crafty book about hand lettering. I began reading its content too and Instagram-ed about it after.

I cooked pesto pasta in the morning. My mother and brothers enjoyed it for breakfast. There was some more left in my mother’s red Dutch oven and I served myself half a plate of it few hours before dinner time. Later in the afternoon, my younger brother S baked a carrot cake in favor of my mother’s request so I dug in on it too. But to my surprise, I do have a birthday cake waiting for me that night. (I will write another post of it.) It was personally delivered by my dearest friend B. She obliged me to open it immediately and see who is it from. Yes, I was blown by their gesture. Together with her, C and E and their families they all got me a cake. It was my time again to having one. I can’t remember when’s the last time I had a birthday cake really and funnily enough, I found it awkward blowing some candles sparkling on top of it.

I did that obligatory photo for the sake of the rest not being around and to make sure that I have had received my birthday cake and the three red balloons. If that is a winning surprise for them to me, I call it winsome love.

To my life and to my next moves.

Thank you.

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Thirty and Thriving

As I read through this sweet greetings from my twin sis I am looking at the hanged clock on our wall. After each paragraph I spied the ticking of the second hand just because I am excited to reblog this on my platform, knowing that I am immensely thankful for having a dear best friend and now we are a tandem.

Calling ourselves twins even we are not physically not close even to being fraternal. Just that love of friendship has grown in us that it continues to bridge us in all the things that life throws at us.

Sweet, sweet, such sweet words to read these and to cap my birthday today.

Thank you so much twin s with all my fatty heart. All the love to you and your family. I astoundingly say to be here for you always and to all our dreams and adventures beyond.

PS This is quite a difficult novel post to top off. I’m just glad we are upping our memories through here.

Chapter Two

The first line of a paragraph is the hardest to write.  And here I am trying to come up with the best one without trying to sound strained.  I love birthdays and 30 is a milestone. I think there’s no other way to celebrate birthdays than to celebrate friendship with it.

I’ve known Farrell for almost two decades of my life and I guess it’s safe to say that our friendship goes a long way. We both grew up in a small town, studied in the same school, and became friends in grade school. But I will not bore you with our history anymore. Farrell is not just a friend, he’s my twin brother. He’s one of my son’s favorite uncle calling him, “Tito Fah.” He is one of my voices of reason. He is my person.

And as he celebrates thirty, I came up with a list of his…

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Mini Wingman

Crashing at my dearest friend’s house with her little boy’s amiable presence is both warming and exciting. His ever ready smile and hug and hearing him calls out your name in elation with longing tone whereas we’ve only seen each other in just a week.

I am joyful seeing him that way, in such a happy state. Rushing his way down the stairs and welcoming me with his arms wide open to give me a hug as I step inside their house. Looking up at me he is wearing that jovial and mischievous smile on his face and immediately asks me if I’ll crash with them again. I would tease him of making a face and answer my astounding “No!” and he will not leave my side until I answer him with a yes or a maybe and or honestly tell him that “I will not and will just come back later”.

He is smart enough to understand and settle with an answer as long as you give him an answer. And that’s the way to deal with a five-year-old kid’s probing question.

zeb 5th bday

A week before his birthday, I heard him say to me, “because I love you, Tito Fah“. It was rather a spontaneous moment between us talking, with him asking me if I were to go home already or to stay and then he said that he loves me. I told him that I will be going and will just have to change clothes and come back. Only to come back a week after. But he knows I will come back to see him.

He is his parents’ treasure. He gives the meaning of joy and multiplies the love, kindness, patience and sharing in the family.

I love you too mini wingman. I love your family. I wish and pray that as you grow may you be kind, loving and strong boy always. May you never forget to be warm and affectionate. You might not realize now how much your spontaneity of thoughtful words affect people around you that absolutely loves you just the same. May you continue to be the life of the party and improve more your dance moves (calling Mama and Daddy).

Be smart and be well, dearest Zeb. Happy Birthday!