This is me dusting the part where the dust has settled. Someone (bestfriend-turned-twin sister) told me that I needed to have an update. That I have a lot of stories to tell and it is indeed collecting dust—my blog.
Of all the goings I have had since my last post, it was as if time wrapped me in trance that my writing cap was like hanged in a corner. Not my intent. Ideas and thoughts on what to write continue to subdue me every time I’ll read a very interesting essay or article. Creative juices just can’t flow right away. Because that time I got to feel like I was waiting and chasing for something that I hoped and prayed hard, it was as if my thoughts of reason just want to make it happen. And it should be right now. God, it was really a tug of war in my head.
I am talking about my career. I am talking about doing something about my life. I am talking about adulting, on being able to make something that I worked on. On living the life I want, that’s it. And I do want it and I am having better days now to say the least. There’s a part of me that grounds me to not believing in myself but in a good way I may say.
It is like my compass because knowing my self is paying close attention to what my mind wants to know. That continuous hunger of knowledge on just about anything. Like a thinker. That curiosity to engage and be taught.
Realizations upon realizations, I have had enough of like self-medicating. To believing that all things will just fall into place but for it to fall into fitting, a lot of considerations will take into account. Such a serious game because that’s perspective. Many may say that we have lived a formula kind of life; be the good kid, study hard, finish school, look for a job, enjoy, have a family, plan a travel, get ready for your retirement and wait for our life’s sunset. All of these were like a jack hammer pounding on top of my head that I simply can’t get around every time on those sleepless nights where light hasn’t reached me.
With all of these are special and dear people who stood by me. I, withstanding the indecision and carefree disposition through their support and love. I lacked the perspective. Even with so much knowledge, without perspective things just cannot get a move on. Nothing’s happening. Nothing’s going to happen. Waiting and chasing for something by someone lacking perspective just would not fuel it to the end. Yes, it can lead to something but the cycle of yearning and trying to question what matters hang in the air always leaving one completely lost.
I am lighting my little corner, again. My heart is so full of gratitude to all of these good things happening to me right now. Maybe I was kind enough to deserve this and my patience has come to fruition that if you know what you want then all that pieces falling into place fit just right to make way to a bigger, clearer picture of that dream or whatever you really want.
I want this. I am going to make this work. After all I did put my time and effort and value on this new me.